we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Bring me that man meat
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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