What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We need a shit load of segways right now
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
