So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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