People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
