i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
