please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
