his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
