The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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