he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
