I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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