Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
