I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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