I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
be right there i have to get my cape
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
