What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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