I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
