I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
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We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.