...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
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Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think your dad took our porno
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
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He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?