Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday