he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself