I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
