call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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