so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
