so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
