It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize