We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
