Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
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For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
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I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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