There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
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New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
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i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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