i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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