you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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