When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He kissed a someone with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You've changed since you got that strap on
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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