I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
