so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
