We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
