so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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