He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize