can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
