not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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