really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
