I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
