Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I would ride that face into the sunset
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
