I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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