They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
