By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
