My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
