Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
