If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
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Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
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Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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