while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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