3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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