We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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