ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
