my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
