ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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