I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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