The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
