I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
