Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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