just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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