you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I can't turn off my feet"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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