Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
