That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
