if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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