I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
