dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
