I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
