i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
