I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.