and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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