Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
