we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
